The Considerate Person’s Guide to Casual Sex

Casual sex. What a confusing, sticky mess.

How do you know if it’s casual? Is there such a thing as too casual? Is it not casual if he’s inviting me out for drinks with his buddies? WHAT IF I CATCH ALL THE FEELINGS? While casual sex can be a tricky game (and it’s definitely not for everyone), it can be fun so long as you remain genuine, considerate and kind. Now doesn’t that sound sexy? Behold, a few tips!

Be honest.

Lay your cards on the table. Don’t lie or skirt your way around reality to get what you want. People tend to think they should pretend to have feelings in order to get sex. But that’s not considerate. Regardless of gender, open the lines of communication and keep them open. Situations change!

Be nice.

You don’t have to hit and run. You can sleep over if you feel like it. You can even cuddle. Yes, casual cuddling is a thing. So long as you’ve laid out your motives and you’re sticking to them, acting like a kind, grown-ass human being is fine.

But not too nice.

Let me explain. Nice is going to dinner before you have sex. (Split the bill dutch if you want.) Too nice is showing up four times a week for Netflix & Chill and inviting your “casual” fuck buddy to your cousin’s wedding. This could be confusing to your hook-up buddy. If you find yourself inclined to do these things, scrutinize your motives. Or maybe you actually do want a relationship, but not with the person you’re sleeping with.  If you say you’re just in it for the sex, just be in it for the sex. Invite a platonic buddy over for pizza and TV. They certainly won’t care if you don’t call the next day.

Avoid not-so-casual situations.

Casually sleeping with someone you met online, at a bar, or your cousin’s co-worker’s wedding- probably safe. Sleeping with your co-worker, your best friend’s brother or your very-recent ex? Probably playing with fire. The same goes for someone you happen to see every day, like a fellow gym rat who works out at the same time, or the barista at your very favorite coffee spot.

Play it safe.

I’m sure I don’t have to remind you to have safe sex… do I? DO I? When keeping it casual, make sure to take all of the possible precautions. Insist on a condom, no matter what. Get checked for STDs regularly. Don’t be an idiot.

So, how do you keep casual sex casual?

Want more from Zoe?  Follow her on Twitter and  Instagram, and don’t forget to check out her book, The Lusty Vegan.

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